domingo, 12 de abril de 2009

DICCIONARIO PARA ENTENDER A LAS MUJERES

Por: ALEJANDRA AZCÁRATE
Como el español que hablamos los hombres no tiene nada que ver con el de las mujeres, SoHo le pidió a Alejandra Azcárate que armara un diccionario básico femenino.

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Seres humanos en vía de extinción.

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Poder imaginario que nos permite verles los defectos a los demás, solucionar problemas que no son nuestros e inventar los finales de las historias ajenas. Vía a través de la cual recibimos y transmitimos información que nos hace sentir importantes por conocer lo que no nos importa.

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Actividad que se inicia solo los lunes y raramente se ejerce los fines de semana. Manera sencilla de amargarse las vacaciones. Sacrificio obligatorio para no dormir solas.

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Traición estratégicamente pensada y procesada. difícil de olvidar, complicada de ocultar, imposible de evitar.

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Vía rápida para descubrir el otro yo atrayendo de noche y espantando de día.

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Milagro de la vida que deteriora el cuerpo, aumenta la sensibilidad, ahuyenta al hombre y quita el sueño para siempre.

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Prerrequisito para colgar un vestido de por vida, aprender a cocinar, dividir el clóset, compartir el baño, desarrollar el arte de creer mentiras y conformarse con la monotonía sexual, todo a cambio de una felicidad pasajera. Fenómeno social que multiplica los defectos, suma las deudas, resta la libertad y divide con la identidad.

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Viaje a las estrellas conducido por un cohete humano. Segundos de explosión inesperada que activa los sentidos y, al momento del "aterrizaje", produce una inmensa gratitud.

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Local comercial donde las vidas ajenas son cortadas por las tijeras de las clientas. Único lugar donde el paso del tiempo pierde importancia y se entra sin ser invitado a gastarse lo que no se tiene.

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Cordón umbilical adherido a la oreja. Medio de comunicación para matar el ocio y quedar en bancarrota.

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Bebida desdoblante que bloquea el cerebro, acelera las emociones, amplía la mente, desabrocha la imaginación y relaja las extremidades inferiores.

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Accesorios que marcan la personalidad, determinan el nivel de gusto y el estrato social, y, además, evidencian el poder adquisitivo de quien los usa. En sentido figurado, es lo que se les da a los hombres por la cabeza para que funcionen en una relación.

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